So, you have 26 days left until the Rapture. Are you ready? Made your Rapture Party Plans yet? Have you found a home for your pet yet (that is to say, for those of you who will be leaving us)? Have you made your Bucket List? Get on it people! There isn’t time to dilly, or dally, or hesitate!
Then again, utilizing a quote I heard during my recent trip to NYC (I can’t claim right to this one, but I will use the hell out of it): “Why can’t you quit? Jesus did.” So, maybe you shouldn’t do anything. Just let it happen. Heat up some queso, prop up your feet, refuse to shower and watch 26 days of television.
Hell, forward all your bills to the people at We Can Know, seeing as how they’re so up on this whole Rapture shibang. I mean, can’t there be some type of legal spin on making plans around their May 21st date…you know, in the unlikely event that they’re wrong?
Dammit. I just paid off my car. Should have thought that one through a bit more.
Still, maybe this isn’t really a bad thing at all.
I feel secure that my publisher will still be around, since I know God isn’t terribly fond of Faerie worship or purple highlights, so at least Flutter will still arrive in August. And since I’m not necessarily targeting Christians with my books (well, targeting, yes, but not in the publicity sense), then I can rest assured that my audience will still be around. In fact, this may be a boon to the publishing industry, now that I think on it, because it will eliminate…er, I mean, remove all the people who are most traditionally likely to whine about literary content. Vampire Porn for everyone! Hopefully Stephanie Meyer is taken. I can’t stomach anymore of her work.
I’m actually thinking that the bulk of people at Twitter and Facebook will still be around, so we’ll still have that. To boot, all that Christian clutter will be gone, so no more scrolling through the rants and praise to Mr. Jesus. Heck, little boys all over the world can roam free, safe and secure in the knowledge that their pants won’t be removed by some God-horny Man of the Cloth, so that’s good. Then again, won’t all the Men of the Cloth who engaged in that activity still be here? Hm. Rule of the land! It’s time to put these imbeciles on a remote island with a few other undesirables, and have an And Then There Were None reality show. Given the dearth of candidates, and only 12 slots (should we remain true to the story), I’m thinking several continuous seasons of this will do fine.
Fortunately, we’ll still have this:
So that’s cool.
I’m actually feeling confident that the bulk of television shows, actors and actresses, producers, directors, musicians, writers, artists and executives will still be around, so I guess Hollywood just keeps rolling. I mean, they didn’t stop for Pearl Harbor or 9/11, did they? Can’t seem them seeing this any differently. So, we’ll still have a major portion of our art intact.
This solves our energy crises, doesn’t it? And food shortages?
Can we get back to community-based lifestyles, and weed out the box stores? I can promise you all non-Christian based indie bookstores will still be around. They didn’t break for Amazon or B&N, so I figure the Rapture won’t kill their inspiration either. Should be plenty of stock and, as mentioned, better quality to choose from, so there you are. Another win.
Looks like the recession is over. Jobs for everyone!
May have to entertain that Trump for President thing, after all. He’ll still be around. I mean, it would appear that every politician is a Christian, or so they would have you believe. Surely they weren’t lying about that. I’ll vote for him. Although George Clooney might be more interested now that there’s no real backlash to him running, right? Hell, all of Hollywood might put their name in the hat if they can do so comfortably knowing that there’s no one left to call them out on their loose-running morality issues.
You know, this may very well be the greatest Litmus test in the whole of testing things that aren’t what they purport to be. I sense a great deal of finger waggling, post Rapture, with some, “Ahhhhhh, I knew you weren’t a Christian!” in for good measure. Playground rules apply. Those shamed are cast into the Pit of the Unwanton Liars Who Used to Be Bullies But Are Now Just Stupid Dummy Butts.
Yeah, I’m liking this post-Rapture world.
I need to go stock up on cheese. Feel free to do the same. In the meantime, what did I forget?